DTR : Defining the Relationship

Errybody just wants to be chosen.

I mean, errrrrrybody.

It’s funny how deep, into the melting core of who we are, is a desire to be hand picked. We’re just aching for someone to look through the crowd of faces, find us in the middle and say. “You. Yes you.”

When we think about it that way. It makes our decision to choose things all the more important– and in the best sort of way.

It was the Spring of 2015 and I was hungry for change. I had recently graduated college, was living with my best friend, and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

And every new college grad said amen.

I was doing photography full time, and knew that I wanted to pursue it like never before.  I wanted more experience, more clients, more adventures and more opportunities.  I wanted a fresh start, a new beginning, I wanted to fully rely on the Lord and forget the past.

One morning, while I was reading and journaling, it came to me: Atlanta.

I spent months in prayer, trying to discern what the “next step” was and in which direction the Lord was leading me.  As spiritual or “religious” as that sounds, I desperately just wanted an answer.  I wanted someone to walk up to me in Target and say, “Well done, good and faithful shopper.  The Lord told me to tell you….”

But, it wasn’t that complicated.

No, really.  If someone had approached me with “a word from the Lord” I wouldn’t have learned one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned in this life.

At first, the idea of moving to Atlanta left me feeling like a four year old throwing a temper tantrum on the kitchen floor.   But, the more I dreamed about it, the more I imagined, the more I realized how much trust and faith it would require of me to pick up and move everything to that big, sweet, and southern city.

And vast opportunities to trust God fully are always worth throwing yourself into.

I got more and more excited.  With plans to move to Atlanta in the Fall of 2015, I started preparing to say goodbye to Mobile.  I rented a storage unit, and filled it to the brim.  I cancelled my gym membership, and other various things central to my living in Mobile.  I had so many coffee, lunch and dinner dates saying goodbye that I literally gained 5 pounds and my community group even threw a “goodbye” party for me.  I remember pausing, right before I was about to leave the city, tears filling my eyes, and thinking, “God, are you sure this is what you want?”.

Then, I got in my car and drove home to spend the summer in Virginia with my family.

The months following were as silent as a lake frozen over by the stillness of winter’s cold. They were months where I wrestled, questioned, battled, and prayed.

And through all of it, God was silent.

I felt like Abraham preparing to sacrifice Isaac.

Nothing for Atlanta was coming together, and my heart was slowly saturating itself in doubt.  Instead of being excited for the new chapter, I began reminding myself of the Lord’s faithfulness and my heart began reminiscing about Mobile.  

In the months after moving from Mobile, Alabama, I had realized my deep rooted love for that misfit city. The realization left me misty eyed in conversation on the phone one evening:

“Where does your heart want to be? Where is home?” my friend asked.
I thought for a moment, shocked by where my answer was taking me.
“It was never about Atlanta,” I breathed slowly, “God simply wanted me to see how much Mobile had become a home to me, and how much I don’t want to leave it yet.”

So, I moved back.

No, it wasn’t simple. No, it wasn’t easy. And yes, the doubt still lingered and lathered within the threads of my heart strings whenever I spent too much time wondering. But the lesson I learned? It was all worth it.

What we do in life doesn’t matter as much as how we do life.

See, we’re not in control of things.  If you’ve given your life to Christ, you’ve done just that:  given your life to him.  It’s not yours.  It’s not your own.  You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you deal with it.

And here lies the most beautiful lesson of all.

I firmly believe that the God of the universe is a road tripping God.  Our life story is the road, and there are so many beautiful destinations along the way.  When we give our life to him, God takes the driver’s seat, and we swap him for shotgun.  He controls where the car goes and we’re able to choose destinations, radio stations, and  what we do during the drive of life.  Because God is relational, he cares about our opinions and desires (he created us with them– remember that).  He wants us to tell him where we’d like to stop, and what we’d like to do.  Sometimes during the road trip, we see beautiful views outside our window and eagerly beg him to stop the car.  Sometimes he does, and sometimes, he smiles to himself and says, “Hold on baby girl, if you think that’s beautiful, let me show you something even more magnificent,”

And sometimes he stops the car all together and says, “Where to next?”

Just because God is in control, doesn’t mean that we don’t have a choice in where we go.

I think we often idolize the decision making process.  We put so much stock in the “choosing” that we elevate ourselves in it.  As if our choice was the “have all end all”. But it’s really not.  God’s will for us far surpasses anything we can ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), so wouldn’t his control of it do the same?

Sometimes – most times- the Lord wants us to choose a direction, and for us to honor him in how we go in it.

That’s where I was in this part of the story.  It didn’t matter if it was Atlanta, or Mobile, or Virginia,  God’s will for my life would be done regardless of the city or state.  All He wanted was for me to see the condition of my own heart, and trust that the desires I had were mine for a reason.  He wanted me to choose Mobile,  he wanted me to pick it, because just like WE have a desire to be chosen, God has a desire for us to choose, and watch in wonder as he does more than we could ask for or imagine through the choice that we made.

Because He’s good.

And because He loves to leave us in awe inspired wonder.

And honestly?  He just loves to love on us.

Happy Monday, friend.

xo

AnnaFilly

**To join the journey and connect to the story, feel free to subscribe to TheLetter. The next chapter airs October 15th– and you won’t want to miss it!**