The Month Before I Become His Wife | The Season of Engagement
In less than one month, I’ll become David’s wife.
As I write this, I’m cozied up in my dad’s recliner with a hot cup of black coffee. The leaves are starting to change here in Virginia. From green, to yellow, to orange, to red, the colors are slowly transforming the trees. The air is cold out- it’s still early morning- but the change of seasons produces a warmth in me. How quickly seasons change….
It amazes me that our ten month engagement has slipped by – both slowly and quickly – and now we are in the final month of it. So many things have transpired in this season of engagement. From car accidents to drama over our guest list, to forgetting to pick a china pattern, to making the 15 hour drive from Virginia to Alabama more times than I can count, to discovering the depth of my desire to please people, our season of engagement has been anything but easy. I’ve cried more times than I can count and just want to encourage the ladies who might be in a similar season: intentional wedding planning is hard.
Through it all, one constant has remained. It’s been the sweet relief my heart has needed and the continual truth I’ve whispered both in prayer and in thought :
I get to marry David Russell Robbins. Anything more than that is an overflow of that blessing.
The purpose of this season is to prepare to marry David, to commit my life to him & ask God to fill my promise with his eternal power. Marrying David isn’t about flowers, decorations or a white dress (and I’m a wedding photographer!) . Marrying David is about learning what it means to live life for someone else, for something bigger than me. It isn’t about the latest trends, or impressing people or even pleasing others, it’s about coming to the place where I realize that dying to myself makes me my most wonderful self. It’s about humbling myself enough to acknowledge imperfection & working HARD to stay in something, even if it breaks, even if it’s hard & even if I feel like fleeing.
Marrying David is about asking God to hold our relationship together, even when we can’t. That’s why we get married, isn’t it ? We want our love to last. We want it to be secure. We want someone to love us no. matter. what.
But friends, we alone cannot make our love for each other last. We are human, we will fail. I can count on your hands, mine, and the hands of everyone in the super-dome during a football game, how many times I’ve made a mistake.
God, alone, never fails (Numbers 23:19, Romans 9:6-8). Inviting him into our marriage will produce things I cannot produce on my own : love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Anyone who has ever been married for any amount of time can attest to how much these things are needed.
Our season of engagement, though difficult, has been refining. It has MADE me practice what I believe. It has refined me. At first, I was so angry that God would allow me to go through such a hard time when this season is supposed to be all “heart eyes and confetti”. But now, now I’m grateful. I’m grateful because God truly has been preparing me for marriage. Like gold in a fire, he has been refining me, allowing the things not of him to burn off in the flames. Pure gold isn’t produced from the ground, it is refined in the heat.
I started writing my vows this week. Each time my pen pressed onto the paper, my eyes got misty, and my heart swirled with admiration for David. I truly and honestly love that man more than I even know. Over the last ten months, I’ve watched him grow, selflessly prefer me, and trust God in countless ways. The man he is today isn’t the man he was when we first met, or even the man he was a year ago. He is continually put through the process of refinement… and though he may feel the heat of the flames, all I see is sparkly gold.
On our wedding day, in a little less than a month, David will become my husband. And y’all, I my focus is fully on that fact. As I write this, cozied up in my daddy’s recliner, with my hot coffee cooling, I am fully and emotionally present on that fact. I’m not letting the details overwhelm me (though there are many) and I’m not stressing about logistics. Instead, I’m fully present and absolutely in awe.
In three weeks, I will become a wife to the most incredible man I have ever known. That’s truly amazing.
I know it may seem silly, but if you would like some encouragement today, here is a prayer that I’ve prayed over 1,000 times, and it has been the biggest blessing for my heart in this season:
I’m overwhelmed. There are countless details clawing for my attention and I can’t do it all by myself. I need you. I need you to make me productive in the things that matter. Open my eyes to focus on what’s truly important. Protect my heart from the things that are meaningless. Surround me with people who can help bring this day to life and remind me of your truth. First and foremost let me never forget that I desire for my marriage to be a reflection of you. So, bring my fiancee and I closer during this season. When the details and the planning try to pit us against each other, let our love for you and for each other remain. Refine me, daddy God. Show me how to trust you and how to put your first, always.