How to Kill a Christmas Tree
Every year my fellow family members and I cut down a beautiful Christmas Tree.
But we don’t do it like normal families do it….
See, killing a Christmas Tree is a precious thing. You can’t just KILL it. That’s murder. To find the perfect tree, you’ve got to hunt it down.
So, in light of that, I though I would equip you all with my family’s tree hunting strategies.
1. First and foremost, you must surround yourself with others who understand and appreciate the importance of the hunt.
2. Proper hunting equipment is a must. No chain saws. They scare the trees.
3. Location. Location. Location. This make the hunt enjoyable. Out of the whole farm, your goal is to pick one. perfect. tree.
4. After many hours (minutes…) of hunting once you believe you’ve found THE PERFECT TREE, you must intimidate it to show it whose boss.
5. Then, CUT IT DOWN!
6. Don’t forget to take a family picture (this is the equivalent of a mounted deer head)
7. Parade your prize through the Tree farm, showing all other trees what happens at Christmas Time
8. Shake it like a Polaroid picture using the tree shaker thing…
9. Take one final family photo…..
10. Tie your tree to the roof and go decorate that thing!